


Strike a Match for I am Freezing

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Anxiety, Depression, Fire, Flirting, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self harm (implied), Unhealthy Relationships, implied domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3798046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> He shouldn't be flirting. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>Gary wouldn't want him flirting. </i></p><p> </p><p>Or, an AU in which Rick is a firefighter who saves and flirts with Kieren, who's unhappily in a relationship with Gary. They fall in love anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m not doing this with you tonight, it’s not-”

“But you always _do this,_ Gary, I’m just trying to make things work-” 

“Oh, and I’m breaking them, yeah?” 

“No, I didn’t-” 

“Forget it. I’m leaving. It smells like you’ve burned dinner, anyways.” 

The door slams behind Gary, and Kieren stares hopelessly at the door for a long while before he realizes just how hot it’s gotten. 

He turns to fix the mess of dinner he’s made, only to find the entire kitchen’s on fire. 

Not the kitchen, his entire flat.

Just as he moves to run, or grab his most prized possession, or do _something_ , something large and heavy falls on top of him and renders him immobile. 

He struggles helplessly against the crushing weight on his torso until the fire’s a mere foot away from him, and it’s on the verge of singing his hair when he hears a voice, like an angel calling him from death. 

“Is anyone in here?” 

 

Kieren gives a strangled shout, making as much noise as he can with his chest pressed against the linoleum floor and ribs digging against his lungs. 

The smoke has gotten to him, and his vision blurs as somebody lifts the beam off of him and carries him away. 

When it clears he’s outside in the cold, sitting on the back of an ambulance as paramedics swarm around him. Looking up at his building, Kieren finds it’s collapsing under the licking flames around it. All of his belongings, gone. His clothes, his art, his books, his blankets, everything. Just like that. 

He can’t think about it too long without his head hurting, so he turns to the EMTs and listens to what they’re saying. He’ll be alright, nothing more than a few fractured ribs. He’ll need to be careful with them for the next few weeks, but other than that he shouldn’t see any long term effects. 

They clear to help the other survivors, and Kieren is free to sit and watch his home and memories crumble before him. He feels unusually numb, until somebody large and warm sits down beside him. “Are you alright?” 

Looking up, Kieren’s met with a man in a fire-fighting uniform. He’s tall and handsome, with eyes that seem warm and kind and makes Kieren’s heart jump a little bit. It must be the adrenaline hitting him late, Kieren insists to himself. Must be. 

He has to avert his eyes before he’s caught staring. “Yeah. Are you the guy who-” 

“Yeah,” the stranger says, looking over at Kieren and smiling softly. “I’m surprised you remember. You seemed a little out of it, when I got you out. Any sustained injuries?”

Kieren can’t help but smile at the man’s smile. Something about him was so genuine, and it makes Kieren for once feel like somebody was talking to him just because they wanted to. Which was probably the farthest from the truth. “Fractured ribs. Should be fine. Are _you_ alright?” 

“All part of the job,” he dismisses with a wave of his hand, noticing Kieren’s shivers and tugging off his large fireman’s coat and dropping it over the younger boy’s shoulders. “What’s your name, anyways?” 

“Kieren,” he says, tugging the heavy coat closer to his thin frame. “Kieren Walker.” 

The firefighter grins at the sight of Kieren swallowed up in his coat. “Nice to meet you, Kieren Walker. I’m Rick.” 

The smaller nods in acknowledgement. “How long have you been fighting fires, Rick?” 

“A few years.” He murmurs, before adding, “I’ve never saved anyone quite as beautiful as you, though.”

A blush creeps to Kieren’s face. He feels a wave of guilt come over him. “Oh, that’s . . . I’m flattered, but I’ve got a boyfriend. He was just here, actually, but he left-” 

“He left you in a fire?” Rick asks, eyebrows raised in surprise. 

Kieren looks up. “No. Well, yes, but-that doesn’t matter.”

The firefighter beside him gives a heavy shrug. “Doesn’t seem like much of a boyfriend to me.” 

“Hey,” Kieren says sharply, sitting up. “He may not be perfect, but - I don’t have to justify my relationship to you. You don’t know me. You don’t know us, or what we do.” 

Rick sobers at Kieren’s cautiously fierce look. “You’re right. I didn’t mean to - be like that. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Kieren murmurs after a moment. “I guess I’m just upset. My house has burned down.” 

Rick nods understandingly. “I’m sorry. Do you want to call your boyfriend, or someone to get you? Do you have a place to stay?” 

“Yeah, I have a friend who lives ‘round here. Do you have a phone I could borrow?” 

\----

Twenty minutes later Amy arrives at the scene, and she jumps out of the car to immediately envelop Kieren in a rib-paining hug before he even has a chance to speak. 

“Oh, handsome, are you okay?” She asks worriedly, pulling back to look him over. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry this happened. You can stay with me, no question about it. Oh, Kier,” 

She hugs him rightly again, and Kieren gives Rick a helpless look. He clears his throat sharply, and Kieren’s pathetically grateful when Amy turns to face him. 

“Amy, this is Rick.” He introduces lamely, chewing on his lower lip anxiously. “He saved me.” 

The girl - woman, Kieren has to remind himself, she’s older than him - grins up at him. “Ah, the knight in shining armor. Thank you for saving handsome.” 

“It’s my job.” He repeats with a smile at her, and she grins back just as easily. 

“Well, Kieren, I guess you’re not the only handsome one in town. You two should get together.” 

“He’s taken,” Rick says, too quickly. 

“By Gary.” Kieren contributes, flushing. 

“Right.” Rick finishes. 

The whole exchange is extremely awkward. 

Amy doesn’t seem to notice. “Well, we’d best get going, Kieren, you must be exhausted. I’ll go warm up the car, not to worry.” 

She runs off, leaving the two of them alone again in careful silence. 

Kieren shrugs off the coat and hands it back to Rick. “Thank you. For everything.” 

“Nah, don’t mention it.” He says with a reassuring smile that makes Kieren’s insides melt a little. “I’ll see you around, Kieren.” 

He opens his mouth to automatically respond, but closes it after realizing the connotations that may come with the words he was going to say. He shouldn’t be flirting. 

Gary wouldn’t want him flirting. 

“Right. Bye, Rick.” 

He climbs into Amy’s waiting car and drives off, his mind still lingering on the firefighter behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieren and Rick meet again, as faith has decided.

Kieren wakes to his alarm, like always, but the bed he’s in isn’t his own. 

It’s Amy’s guest room, and it’s been home to him since the fire four days ago. And it still feels too foreign. 

He checks his phone. Four missed calls and thirteen texts from Gary. He ignores them. 

His boss had been extremely understanding about the fire, but there are only so many days Kieren can grieve before he has to get up and get on with his life. 

And so he pulls himself out of his self-misery and gets dressed, stepping out of the room only when he’s ready for work. 

“Morning, lovely.” Amy greets brightly when he walks into the kitchen, looking over at him with a grin. “Back to the sweatshop, I see.” 

“Got to support myself somehow,” he sighs, setting down his phone to make himself a piece of toast. 

Amy looks down at it and scowls. “Four calls? When’s he going to realize you don’t want to talk?” 

Kieren feels a certain sort of anxiety claw its way up through his lungs and into his throat. He shrugs. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk, I guess. . . don’t want to deal with it, you know?”

“I guess so,” Amy murmurs, shaking her head softly. “Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work? I mean, can you handle it?” 

No.

“Yes,” he says instead of the truth, pulling on his required non-slip shoes. “Only so long I can sit on your couch and watch telly.” 

“You know you’re always welcome, for as long as you’d like.” She tells him, and though he believes it be still feels like a looming inconvenience over her. 

But he understands her hospitality. “I know. I just feel. . . bored, when I’m doing nothing.” 

_And being busy can make him forget the lingering sadness in his head._

“I get that,” she says. “I remember when I was in the hospital, stuck in that bed, I would’ve given anything to be doing what I used to think was so boring, like cleaning, or doing my chores. I just wanted to get out, y’know?” 

It’s hard to imagine Amy sitting still for more than a minute, and the thought of her stuck in a hospital bed is almost maddening. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs, lost in thought as he grabs his toast. “I’ve gotta run. Bye, Amy.” 

“Bye, love!” She says brightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he passes. “Be safe, alright? No fires.” 

Kieren nods dutifully. “No fires. Promise.” 

\----

Kieren feels better, only because he’s been so busy. 

Since he’s been gone nobody’s cleaned anything, and he spends the first four hours of his shift cleaning three day’s worth of grime from the counters and floor, sweeping and mopping and dusting. It’s surprisingly therapeutic, and Kieren almost likes it. 

It’s also been busy but not too busy throughout the day, and things are beginning to slow down when the door chimes open again. 

“Hi, welcome to the Mug, how can I-oh.” 

He’s standing face to face with Rick, wearing a Roarton Fire Department t-shirt and holding a list of coffee orders in one hand.

“Oh, hey!” Rick greets cheerily, his grin wide and genuine. “It’s Kieren, right? I didn’t know you worked here.” 

Kieren smiles back at him, Rick’s bright mood clearly contagious. “Yeah, I’ve been working here for a while. I didn’t know you came here.” 

He ducks his head, holding up the list. “I don’t. I lost the coin flip. Ordering for the entire department.” 

“Ah,” Kieren murmurs, picking up a cup. “Best get started, then.” 

\----

“So, what do you do for fun?” Rick asks from where he’s waiting by the queue, watching Kieren on number six of his eight coffees. 

He’s beautiful. Strawberry blond hair, dark chocolate eyes that reflect everything he’s thinking and feeling, and cherry colored lips that stretch into a shy, peaceful curve when he smiles. 

Rick wishes he could have him. 

“I paint, sometimes. And draw. I used to go to art school, but. . .” 

He pauses, shrugging. “We just couldn’t afford my classes any longer, so I had to drop out.” 

Rick feels a wave of pity. This gentle young thing deserves to be deprived of nothing. At the same time, he’s hit with a real and tangible thought:

 _Why do you care so much?_

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “But I’m sure they’re great, either way.” 

Kieren blushes at that, pale skin coloring easily. “Well, thank you. I haven’t had very much time for it anymore, and of course with the fire-” he closes his eyes for a moment. “-All my art supplies are gone.” 

His eyes snap open and he sets to his work again, moving around with a determined look on his face. “But you know. Got to press on, keep moving-” 

_Because if you stop the sadness gets to you._

“-Can’t wallow in it forever.” 

It sounds like something Kieren’s had to repeat to himself too often. Rick wishes he could wrap him up and take him away from whatever it is that makes him so melancholy. 

“I suppose that’s a good attitude to have.” Rick says quietly. “Did you patch things up with your boyfriend?” 

Kieren holds a fixed look, nodding. “Yes. Well, sort of. We’re working on it.” 

Although he’s certain he’s never met Kieren’s boyfriend before, he feels an extreme dislike for the man already. 

“Right,” he says, because it’s not his place to object. “Well, I hope you fix it.” 

“Thanks,” Kieren smiles just a little, finishing off Rick’s last drink. “You want drink carriers, yeah?”

Rick nods, watching Kieren’s long fingers lift the cups off the counter and into their respective carriers. “Thank you.” 

“Not a problem.” Kieren dismisses, and pushes the coffees toward him. “Have a good day, Rick.” 

He feels himself smile. “You too, Kieren.” 

He picks up the coffee and struggles out to the truck, mind still stuck on the brown eyes he’d left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be up Tuesday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieren gives in, like he always does.

After a while, Kieren starts answering his phone again. 

“Kieren?” Gary says the moment he picks up the phone, voice concerned. “Jesus, Kier, where have you _been_? I’ve been worried sick about you!” 

 

“I’m alright,” he replies quietly, curled in the comforting darkness of his-Amy’s-room. “I’ve been staying at Amy’s. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.” 

The man swears softly, and Kieren can hear the upset in his voice. 

“Look, Kier, I-you can’t just disappear after something that bad happens. I thought you, I- it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that you’re _okay_. Are you?” 

He picks at a loose strand of his old jumper, the one article of clothing he’d left at Amy’s and wasn’t destroyed. The rest of his stuff had to be bought new, not worn in and not quite Kieren’s style. “Yeah, ‘course I am. Are you? Where’ve you been staying, our flat-” 

“I’ve got us a new flat, a few blocks up from the old one. It’s nice. You could come back any time, try to start again. I’ve got a key for you, and everything. I’m really sorry this happened, Kier.” 

“It isn’t your fault, Gary.” Kieren promises. “It’s just . . . a thing that happened. And it sucks, but. . . we’ll be okay.” 

The words don’t sound genuine to Kieren, but Gary sounds believing enough. “Yeah, we will.” 

“I can move in today, if you’re off.” 

“I am,” Gary confirms. 

\----

Two hours later he’s in a new flat, with new furniture and new rooms and new views. Gary’s the same, though, and he settles on the couch and tucks Kieren’s frame against his and offers the only comfort Kieren can find in this new place. 

When he closes his eyes and lets his mind wander, an unsolicited image of Rick finds its way forward. 

He’s come in nearly every day, ready with long lists and keeping Kieren busy during the afternoon lull. 

He always manages to make Kieren smile somewhat, be it a small one or something big and genuine. He’s easily Kieren’s favorite customer. 

He clears Rick from his mind. He’s just a regular. 

_Then why is your new sketchbook covered with his face?_ A voice in his head taunts. 

He shakes his head to get rid of it, reminding himself who takes care of him, who’s holding him and ensuring he’s alright at this very moment. 

Gary, not Rick. 

The man in question shifts above him, pushing gun calloused fingers through his hair. He thinks back to when they first started, to Amy’s appalled reaction. 

“You’re dating _who_?” She’d exclaimed, eyebrows knit together in either confusion or disgust. 

“Gary Kendal.” He reiterated, looking up at her from the sofa as she paced. “What’s wrong with him?” 

Amy looked over at him like he’d just told her he was from another planet. 

“He’s literally an Anti-Gun Control policeman, dum-dum. He’s a white republican cop who hates the lower class.” 

Kieren shook his head. “He’s not like that. Do you know him?” 

She’d grinned bitterly. “He is. He’s going to shoot someone someday. Just you wait and see.” 

“He’s a nice guy. It doesn’t matter what people say about him.” 

“Doesn’t it? Rumors are sometimes there for a reason, handsome.” 

He hadn’t believed her, and he still doesn’t. Gary’s not like people say, not to Kieren. And they love each other. That’s all that matters. 

Right? 

Gary interrupts his thoughts by shifting, fingering the hem of Kieren’s big jumper. “Aren’t you hot in this?” He asks, voice low and suggestive. 

“A little.” Kieren decides to play, a small smile starting at the corner of his lips. “Why are you asking?” 

The man drags the hem up, revealing the pale skin of Kieren’s smooth stomach. “Dunno. You could always take it off.” 

Kieren turns his head to look up at Gary, an eyebrow raised. “You certainly seem eager to get my clothes off.” 

“Do I?” Gary grins, a predatory show of teeth. “Well, it has been a while. And I’ve missed you.”

Kieren returns the smile, his more reserved and quiet. “I missed you, too.” 

Gary for a moment gives a relieved look, genuine and fond, before tugging on Kieren’s sweater again. “Come on, then, off with it.” 

He grins, and obeys the command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up on Friday.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's off about Kieren.

Rick is absolutely, completely, and utterly in love with Kieren.

Not only is he staggeringly gorgeous, bus his personality shines through his timid exterior like the sun and the more Rick visits the coffee shop the more Kieren’s natural snark and sarcasm appears, making him not only interesting but also hilarious. 

He wants to make Kieren happy in any way he can. He seems so small, so secretly unhappy, and Rick can’t stand it. So he has a simple mission every time he steps in: make Kieren smile. 

Operation Make Kieren Smile goes well some days, when he cracks jokes and Kieren gives him an exhale that could almost be a laugh. Sometimes, if he’s lucky, a _real_ laugh will bubble up from Kieren’s lips and Rick will feel truly accomplished for the afternoon. 

Other times it’s not so good, like today. 

It’s been two months since the fire, and Rick had visited nearly every time the department demanded someone take a coffee run. They know each other just as well as friends might (not to mention Rick’s been quietly filing away every motion of Kieren’s and what it means), so Rick knows something’s off the minute he steps into the shop. 

There are bags under Kieren’s eyes, and he almost appears to sway on his feet while he stands at the counter. 

“Hey,” he murmurs weakly, looking up at Rick with a pathetically fragile expression. “Your usual?” 

“Yeah,” he murmurs, almost taken aback by how terrible the younger boy looks. “Ren-”

“You always decimate my caramel supply,” Kieren interrupts, trying to sound light-hearted. “Who knew big tough firemen love it so much?” 

“Ren.” He can’t help his voice from sounding sharp, making Kieren flinch. 

He looks up like a deer caught in the headlights, all big eyes and parted lips. “What?” 

Rick shouldn’t say it. It’ll only hurt them both. But he can’t help himself. “Why don’t you leave him?” The words spill out like someone had replaced the sugar shaker with salt. 

They hang heavily in the air for a long moment, before Kieren’s eyes turn to stone. 

“How dare you?” He asks softly but with force enough to knock Rick back,, staring at him for a moment before returning to the coffee with a set look on his face. 

“Ren, I didn’t mean-”

Kieren shakes his head, and it’s enough to silence Rick. 

He finishes the rest of Rick’s coffee order in tense silence, and sets it down on the queue in a not-so-gentle gesture. 

“Ren-” 

“Leave.” Kieren orders in a harsh voice, turning his back to Rick and waiting until the door falls shut to cry.

The one-sided screaming match from last night echoes in his head, clear as ice and painful as a knife. 

Hateful words repeat themselves over and over in his mind, and his head throbs as he steps into the break room to collapse into an uncomfortable folding chair with tears flowing freely and slipping down his cheeks. 

_Shit._

What’s wrong with him? What’s so warped about him that he can’t keep a single person around him without hurting himself? What’s his problem?

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he wipes the tears away harshly with his sleeve and picks it up without looking at the contact information. 

“Hello?” He prays his voice will hold. 

“Handsome?” Amy. Her voice twinkles through the line clearly like cristal. “What’s wrong?” 

“Oh, nothing, Amy.” He promises quickly, pulling himself to his feet. “I’ve just got a cold, that’s all.” 

“Ah.” She doesn’t sound like she believes him. “Well, feel better. I was gonna ask you to go shopping with me, but you’re probably resting.” 

“No time for rest, I’m at work.” Kieren corrects, pushing a hand through his disheveled blonde hair. “I’ve gotta run, Amy. We’ll go shopping soon, okay? Promise.” 

Amy makes a noise of vague affirmation and hangs up, leaving Kieren with an empty dial tone and an extremely weak feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry this is so late! I had a very busy weekend, and couldn't find time to edit and post this until today! 
> 
> As usual, the next chapter will be up on Tuesday (promise!).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieren suggests an idea. 
> 
> Gary takes it the wrong way.

Rick hasn’t spoken to Kieren in _days_. 

It worries him, especially when he asks for the boy and the moody-looking teen taking his place scowls up at him. 

“Kier? We’ve switched shifts, he’s not here. Sorry.” 

She looks over him one more time before she starts working, her movements loud and almost angry. 

He wonders what Kieren’s doing. If he’s okay. But he’s got no way of knowing. 

\----

Kieren and Gary are alright again, have been for a while, but there’s one nagging thought that’s been stuck in his mind for days, a thought he can’t seem to get rid of it. 

“Gary,” he says carefully from where he’s seated on the couch, clutching a cup of tea in his cold and forever-shaky fingers. “I was thinking-”

“About what?” Gary asks as he sits down beside the younger, resting an arm around him easily. 

Kieren swallows dryly and looks away, forcing the words from his mouth before he decides against them. “That maybe we should take a break, or something.” 

Gary grows extremely quiet, and Kieren closes his eyes before he has to see the evident anger on his face. 

“What the fuck?” Gary asks, quietly at first, but his voice quickly grows strong and forceful. “What the fuck did you say to me?” 

“It was just a thought, I didn’t-” 

“No, no, you’re right, Kieren. We can break up, and you can move out and support yourself on what? Your half-arsed paintings? Your minimum wage coffee shop job?” 

Kieren feels tears well up in his eyes. “Please stop yelling-” 

“No, Kier, tell me how you plan to survive. Who’s supporting you, huh? Because last I checked I was buying the groceries, I was paying the rent, and I was paying for your art supplies. What’ll you do without me?” 

Kieren feels Gary stand up, and he curls into himself when he hears the fragile tinkle of glass being broken. “Gary-” 

The man in question throws something else against the wall, the only few decorative glass objects they’d obtained within the last few weeks after the fire becoming as useless as a runner without legs. Kieren can’t handle the sound, mixed with a colorful variation of curses. “Where are you gonna go, huh? What are you gonna do without me?” 

Something else breaks. The walls are closing in on Kieren. He can’t move. He can only squeeze his eyes shut and wait for the storm to pass, or wait for the anxiety to take over and swallow him up completely. 

Gary says something else but Kieren can’t hear, senses dulled greatly by his own sheer panic. He doesn’t want to know anyways, probably. It’s likely nothing good. 

A door slams, and suddenly Kieren’s left in the terrifying silence of his own head. 

When did this place stop feeling like home? 

Kieren’s body aches as he unravels himself, returns to a more common sitting position and stares at the ruin left carelessly by Gary.

Broken glass litters the floor, and Kieren looks from the ground to his bare feet and back too many times before he crumples into himself. 

He can’t cry, so he sits there and breathes unevenly for a long while until he realizes there’s a mess that needs to be cleaned up. 

He takes a deep breath, and sets to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an extra apology, I've posted this chapter early! 
> 
> Next chapter will go up Friday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, please forgive me for the following! : 
> 
> A) What I know about emotional manipulation/abuse is not first hand and only what I've read, so if any of it seems inaccurate please let me know!

Kieren calls in sick for the next few days. He just doesn’t feel right, and the thought of having to leave the house and socialize with people is almost crippling. 

He doesn’t see Gary. The man doesn’t call, doesn’t come home, nothing. Kieren has no idea where he could be, but he tries not to stress himself out about it. He tries not to think of the looming _what if he was serious? What if he’s not coming back?_ in his head. The voices aren’t real. They don’t know what they’re talking about. 

Days turn into weeks. His phone rings with Amy’s concern, but he doesn’t pick up. He just sleeps, and stares, and waits. 

One week turns to two. Kieren’s hand shakes when he holds it up, and the fading scars across his wrists are made new again. They ache. He tries to remind himself that this isn’t a dream. 

Two and a half weeks into Kieren’s exile he’s sitting on the sofa, tugging on the sleeves of his too-large jumper to conceal the still-healing cuts there. They’re reminders of his failure, both in maintaining a relationship and his own self-reliance. He hates them. 

Suddenly, the lock of the front door turns, and the door swings open. There stands Gary, tall, strong, and looking more put together than Kieren probably does. The light falls behind him and makes him seem like a giant. 

From the sofa, Kieren feels incredibly small. 

“Hey.” Gary says, and he’s looking at him with a look that’s not only giving pity; it’s _asking_ for it. 

“Hey.” Kieren replies, and his voice breaks with what must be emotion. “H-How are you?” 

Gary takes another cautious step inside, puts his hands in his pockets. “Not too good, Kier.” He admits. Kieren can see it’s difficult for him to do so. “Look, Kier, I-” 

He has to pause, pressing his lips together and turning his face away from Kieren. 

“I’m sorry I got so upset, Kier. And I know I say it a lot, and don’t mean it, but this time I do. I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

He glances up at Kieren, who’s face portrays everything: shock, worry, mercy. 

Without a word he stands and stumbles over to Gary, wrapping his thin arms around the man tightly. He catches a whiff of something fruity, but doesn’t think anything of it as Gary’s arms wrap protectively around his waist. 

“I’m sorry, too,” Kieren says, voice muffled by tears and Gary’s t-shirt. “It was stupid, I don’t know why I even thought-” 

“It’s not your fault.” Gary silences him easily, shaking his head quickly. “I haven’t-been here, for you. I forgot what was important. You’re important, Kier.” 

Gary pulls back and watches tears slip down his Kieren’s face, watches his big brown eyes full of love and fatigue and - guilt? 

“What is it?” He asks, and when Kieren’s gorgeous eyes flicker down he just _knows._ “Show me.” 

His voice is low, the gentlest of commands. “I-I can’t.” Kieren whispers, shaking his head and refusing to make eye contact. 

“Oh, Kier.” Gary whispers his reply as he tugs the boy back into his chest, and holding him as tightly as he can manage. “It’ll be okay. I’m here. We’ll - we’ll be alright, yeah?” 

Kieren gives a pathetic sob, and nods against Gary’s chest. “Y-Yeah. We’ll be alright.” 

Gary’s arms tighten around him, but Kieren doesn’t mind. In fact, it’s comforting. It means he’s _real_ , not a dream or some hallucination his mind had conjured up in some terrible bout of loneliness. 

Kieren missed him. 

“Hey, let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Gary says, voice gentle but firm. Kieren can only nod and let Gary shuffle him towards the bathroom, cleaning the tears off his face and then slowly, meticulously dragging the sleeve of Kieren’s sweater up his thin arms. He gasps at what he finds beneath. 

He doesn’t speak, only shakes his head slightly and finds a bandage to wrap around Kieren’s wrist. 

“Better?” He asks when he’s finished, looking up at Kieren. He’s sitting on the edge of the tub, Gary on his knees in front of him. His eyes are worried. 

The younger nods carefully. “Better.” He promises, watching as Gary takes his sleeves and sets them back in their proper place. 

“Good.” Gary sounds relieved, and when he stands he offers his hand. “Now give us a smile.” 

Kieren’s so pathetically grateful to have Gary back, to have everything back to normal. He smiles, a real smile, for the first time in weeks. 

“There we are.” He presses a gentle kiss to Kieren’s forehead. “Let’s get you to bed, yeah? You look exhausted.” 

Kieren nods, and lets Gary drag him into a blissful, dreamless sleep. 

\----

Rick is very ready file a missing person report if Kieren doesn’t turn up. 

Last week when he’d asked about Kieren the same moody teen had been there, but this time she looked worried.

“He hasn’t shown up in days,” She’s told him, biting her lip. “He called in around four days ago, but there’s been nothing since then.” 

There’s nothing he could do. But a week later, he steps in with some vague hope that he won’t be gone, that he’ll be standing behind the counter with bright eyes and a soft, shy smile. 

To Rick’s surprise, he is. 

 

Kieren smiles brightly at him the moment their eyes meet, and he looks better than he has in months. There are no circles under his eyes, and his smile is real and genuine. 

He looks. . . _happy_. 

“Hey. Been awhile, hasn’t it?” Kieren greets brightly, starting on Rick’s coffee without being asked. 

Rick watches him blankly, still shocked at his sudden resurfacing. “I-Yeah, it has. Where’ve you been, Ren?” 

His voice is not nearly as strong as he wants it to be. 

“Home, for the most part. I just needed some time to regroup, you know?” He asks, a different kind of smile showing on his face. “Gary and I had a row, but - we made up, Rick. I’m so - it just feels like it’s all gonna work out, you know?” 

Rick’s heart plummets in his chest. He’s happy that Kieren’s happy, so much so, but he can’t shake the sour feeling he gets when Kieren says the other man’s name. He could be wrong, but there just seems something very _off_ about him. “That’s good, Ren. I’m really happy for you.” 

He isn’t. But it’s not his place to object to his barista’s romantic choices. It’s a fact he’s had to remind himself of constantly. 

Kieren smiles brightly back at him. “Thanks, Rick.” Then, as if in an afterthought: “You still want two sugars, yeah?” 

Rick puts on a fake smile, and nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be up on Tuesday.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick walks in on a moment. He immediately regrets it.

Rick is not having a good day. 

He lost two of the casualties he’d tried to save in front of him, felt their bodies go limp in his arms. 

He always feels responsible, just mildly, but it’s enough to not let him sleep at night. 

He doesn’t even plan to go and see Kieren that day, but the thought of seeing his smile lifts his spirits somewhat, so he does. 

When he walks in, though, he wishes he hadn’t. 

Kieren isn’t behind the counter, has walked around the front to talk in low voices to the large , scruffy policeman who’s now pressing him against the counter and guiding Kieren’s cherry colored lips to his own. 

They kiss, and nothing about it is innocent. Kieren’s eyelids flutter shut and he leans forward, desperate for more as the man wraps his fingers around Kieren’s hips tightly enough to bruise. 

Something in Rick’s stomach twists. He should go. He’s already on his way out, in fact, when Kieren picks right then to stop sucking face with his boyfriend and look up at the departing man. “Rick, hey!” His cheeks are flushed, his lips kiss-bitten. He concentrates very hard on not curling his hands into fists. 

“Hey, Ren. You’re busy, I can come back-” 

“Don’t be silly. Really.” He disentangles himself from _him_ \- Gary, must be - and smiles radiantly. “Rick, this is my boyfriend, Gary. Gary, this is Rick, the guy I told you about.” 

Gary gives off an air predation. Rick doesn’t like it. “Right, Rick. Kieren talks all about you.” 

Rick gives a tight, forced smile. “Not as much as he talks about you, I’m sure. All this time he didn’t tell me you were an officer.” 

Rick detests police. He avoids them as much as he can. 

Between them, Kieren smiles. “I knew you two’d get along.” But he doesn’t sound quite as cheerful. “I’ll get your coffees, Rick, how many?” 

“Just one for me, Kier. Thanks.” 

He gives a dismissive shake of his head. “It’s my job.” 

He steps off, leaving him and Gary alone. 

The man leans against the counter and stares at Rick for a long while before speaking. “He’s good, yeah?” 

It’s a trick, but Rick falls for it. “Yeah, he is.” 

“Trying to get with him, are you?” 

“What?” Rick asks, eyebrows knitting together like he doesn’t know what Gary’s talking about. “‘Course not, mate.” 

“Good,” Gary says firmly. “Because he’s mine. Got that?” 

Rick can’t reply before Kieren’s back, holding a cup of coffee and looking fondly at them from behind the counter. Gary’s still got a blazing look in his eyes. “Playing nice, I hope.” 

Gary turns to Kieren, and suddenly he’s a new person. Kind, charming, not a trace of the Gary Rick had just met. “You know I am, Kier.” 

Kieren’s oblivious, Rick decides. Must be. 

“Here you are, Rick.” Kieren hands the steaming cup over and Rick pays, desperately not wanting to leave Kieren alone with what must be a monster. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rick.” Kieren politely dismisses, Gary’s hand running through his soft hair. 

Rick goes. Kieren wilts just slightly as he moves around the counter to Gary. A shiver runs up his spine when the large man tugs him close, hands tight on his hips. 

Kieren doesn’t look up. “He was acting sort of odd. I wonder if something’s wrong.” 

“Forget him.” Gary murmurs roughly, leaving soft but occasionally biting kisses to his neck. “Better things to think about, I’d say.” 

 

The distraction is too much to bear, and Kieren can’t help but give in. His lips touch Gary’s, and all is forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I'm late (again)! I've fallen ill, and also found myself in a giant pond of schoolwork. I'll get back on top of it, promise! 
> 
> Next chapter will be up on Friday (I swear!).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick waits. Has to.

Rick bears with it. Has to. 

He comes in every day, makes nice, waits desperately for something to change. Nothing does. 

Until one day. 

Kieren’s not behind the counter. Instead, he’s wiping down the cafe tables, back to Rick so that he can’t quite see his face. 

But something about his posture is off. It’s hunched, as if the boy was trying to make himself smaller than he already is. It isn’t right. 

“Hey, Ren.” Rick says cautiously, stepping closer to him. “How’re you doing?” 

 

Kieren flinches at the sound of Rick’s voice, hands twitching into fists. “Oh, fine, Rick. Really.” But his voice is raw. 

Slowly Rick reaches out and puts his hands on Kieren’s shoulder, guiding him to turn around and face him.

Kieren’s eyes are red and puffy, and the sadly slumped shoulders suddenly makes sense. 

Rick knows now how sadness can be beautiful. 

“We broke up,” Kieren admits tearily. “I-we just-I couldn’t stay, Rick, the things he _said_ ,” 

Rick can’t listen. He can’t hear the helpless tone, the hateful words Gary had spat at Kieren in anger, so he tugs Kieren forward and wraps him up in a hug. 

The boy makes a pathetic noise against his chest, the soothing feel of Rick comforting him a foreign but not unwelcome concept. 

“‘S alright,” Rick soothes expertly, running his fingers through the strawberry blonde of his hair. His hands are rough but not as rough as Gary’s, more practiced in saving lives than taking them. 

Kieren lingers in his arms until he remembers where they are, and hesitantly pulls away to look into Rick’s eyes. 

The steadying warmth of his brown eyes makes him feel better, and they stare at each other with mutual amazement until Kieren clears his throat. A blush is on his cheeks. 

“I should - I’ll get your coffees.” 

He scurries off with a fleeting look, Rick starting after him with a sudden realization. 

_You love him._

Rick’s heart swells. Perhaps the teasing voice in his head is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be up on Tuesday.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Kieren have dinner.

“Handsome,” Amy calls loudly from the kitchen, opening up the pantry and staring into it contemplatively. “I’m making dinner, you want any?” 

Kieren appears moments later, tugging on his boots. “Can’t, I’m going to dinner with Rick.”

“My two handsomes,” Amy says dreamily. 

“We’re friends.” Kieren retorts, though his cheeks color. 

Amy doesn’t reply to that. She’s much too wise. “Very well, have fun with your dinner and romantic sunset walk-” 

“It’s not romantic!” Kieren protests, lacing his boots and standing. “Bye, Amy.” 

She grins. “Bye, love. Be careful, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He smiles back at her. Smiling’s gotten a lot easier lately. “I won’t be back too late.” 

Amy raises an eyebrow. “Stay out as long as you want, just don’t let me catch you doing the walk of shame.” 

Kieren rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.” 

\----

“I’m telling you, that waiter was into me.” 

“He spilled water all over you, Rick.” Kieren argues, laughing as they walk down the familiar path they always walk down on Tuesdays. 

Rick scoffs. “He just wanted to gently pat my abs with a towel, believe me.” 

“I don’t think so, he seems very apologetic. It couldn’t have been on purpose.” 

Kieren laughs, and Rick shakes his head smugly. “You didn’t see his eyes. He wanted me.” 

“Sure, Rick.” 

They stop at the same familiar bench and sit down, looking up at the setting sun. Well, Kieren’s watching; Rick’s got his eyes on something else. 

“I always forget how beautiful it is,” Kieren murmurs softly, eyes only for the sun. “There’s this beautiful thing right there in front of us, and some people don’t even see it. Can you believe that? Some people are so ignorant.” 

Rick _could_ believe it. “Kieren-” 

And he turns, gently eyes falling on Rick’s and looking at him with polite expectancy. “Yeah?” 

He can’t hold himself back any longer. He leans forward, and presses his lips to Kieren’s. 

Kieren stiffens slightly beside him, but after a minute he relaxes and his eyelids flutter shut. 

It’s so _different_ from the way Gary kissed him, less like Kieren’s a doll and more like he’s a _person_. His lips are firm but still gentle, reassuring in a way that Gary never was. 

It’s nice. 

He pulls away only when he must, opening his eyes to a somewhat nervous looking Rick, who’s eyebrows are knit in worry. “Is - was that okay?” 

Kieren looks at him, a smile growing slowly on his face. Then, he leans in to let his lips press against Rick’s again. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs after they pull away. “Yeah, it was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up Friday.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary isn't finished just yet.

“Jesus, Ren, how much stuff do you need?” Rick asks as he lugs another box from the car, raising an eyebrow at the boy. 

They’ve been dating for months now, and had somewhere along the way simultaneously agreed that they should move in together. And, what with Kieren being technically homeless, there seemed no option but to move him into Rick’s “huge fireman’s wage flat.” 

Kieren rolls his eyes. “Six. I have six boxes. That’s it.” 

Rick grins and leans in to kiss Kieren, who’s lugging a box into his arms. 

“You get that one out of the car and I’ll take this one upstairs, yeah?” 

Rick nods and Kieren lumbers off, box balanced in his arms.

Just as Rick’s reaching up to grab at the last box, something pulls him back and a first connects with his face. 

“I told you do keep away from him, didn’t I?” 

Gary looks different out of his police uniform, more casual but no less threatening. 

Rick knows he has to do _something_ before the situation spins out of control, but he’s never been much for fighting. “Look, Gary-” 

Another punch lands, this time on his chest. His breath shorts, and his feet are taken out from under him. 

There aren’t any pauses, no reluctance in Gary’s motions as he delivers a swift kick to Rick’s abdomen. 

Rick is not a fighter by nature, not with his fists, so he simply curls up and tries to avoid the worst of the damage Gary’s trying to cause. 

It only stops when Kieren finds them, his boyfriend curled defenselessly around himself while Gary beats ruthlessly into him. 

His body acts before his mind does, and by the time he starts yelling for Gary to stop he’s already pulling weakly at his shoulder, trying to pry Gary away from the weakened pile on the floor. 

Gary swings back towards him, and a bright line of pain blinds him as a fist meets his cheek. 

He stumbles, falls, and by the time he pulls himself up Gary’s gone. 

He doesn’t think he can get up, so he just crawls weakly to Rick’s side and looks him over, wincing at the injuries the man has sustained. 

“Rick? Are you alright? Rick, answer me.” 

His hand comes up to where Kieren’s are, resting on his chest, and grasps it gently. “I’m alright. Not the first time.” 

Kieren looks down at him, and starts to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up on Tuesday.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's past is revealed.

“There’s nothing we can do for you,” the chief says gruffly after Kieren had explained the situation, sitting in a chair beside an extremely quiet Rick. 

Kieren looks at the stranger like he’s got two heads. “What do you mean? You’ve got everything to prove it, look at our faces! Gary Kendal assaulted us.” 

“This your boyfriend, then, eh?” The officer asks, but the question is directed at Rick. 

The man at Kieren’s side seems to sink in his chair. “Yeah, he is, dad.” 

_Dad?_

The man - Officer Macy, apparently - leans back. “Then there’s nothing I can do for you.” 

Hot anger bubbles up in Kieren’s chest. He can’t do that - can he?

He opens his mouth to argue, but when he sees Rick looking so small and afraid it closes. 

“Fine.” He says after a long moment, fighting to keep his voice level. “That’s fine. We’ll be going now.” 

He stands and takes Rick’s hand, a small but adequate rebellion. 

“Don’t let me see you come back here,” Macy orders as they leave, but Kieren isn’t listening. 

He only talks once he’s led Rick down the street, far away from the monster behind the desk. “Hey. Are you alright?” 

It’s not a push for information, just a worried wonder called out into the dark spots of Rick’s eyes. 

“Yeah,” he murmurs ingenuinely, running a slightly shaking hand through his hair. “Yeah, I just need a minute.” 

They stand there for a while longer, and Kieren hesitates before placing a careful hand on Rick’s shoulder. 

He looks grateful. Kieren steps close and pulls him into a hug, holding him tightly and hoping he’s of some comfort. 

They walk home together in silence. They pass the place of assault in silence. They climb into bed in silence. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he promises into Rick’s short hair. “But if you want to, I’m here.” 

Rick speaks after a moment, voice a mere whisper in the darkness of their room. 

“He used to hit me.” 

Kieren has to hold back the rage in his stomach. Nobody should be coming anywhere near Rick, not with violence in their eyes or anger in their hearts. 

Rick deserves better, but when he opens his mouth to tell him that he’s interrupted. 

“One minute he’d be my dad, joking around and being proud of his kid, and the next he’d be beating me, telling me I was useless and weak and - maybe he’s right.” 

“Hey.” Kieren says firmly and without hesitance, lifting Rick’s face so they could look at each other. “You save so many lives every day, Rick. I wouldn’t call you useless, or weak. I’d call you strong, and brave, alright? Do you believe me?” 

Rick stares up at him with fearful but believing eyes. “Yes. I do.” He says, and though his voice is soft he sounds a bit stronger. 

“Just forget your dad, alright? He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.” 

He nods, and for a moment, they’re okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next (And Final!!!!) Chapter will be up on Friday.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is! This should run for about 13 chapters, if I'm correct, but that number would increase or decrease at any time. I hope you'll enjoy enough to subscribe and follow my story! It'll be updated twice a week: Tuesday and Friday. 
> 
> That being said, the next chapter will be up Friday. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are welcome and appreciated!


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